“I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.”—Joquesse Eugenia (via felicefawn)
“These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we don’t hurt men’s feelings. Don’t say, “Men oppress women” – that’s sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, “Some men oppress women.” Whatever you do, don’t generalise. That’s something men do. Not all men – just some men.
This type of semantic squabbling is a very effective way of getting women to shut up. After all, most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other people’s feelings ahead of our own. We aren’t supposed to say what we think if there’s a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that “you’re not one of those men who hate women”.
What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.
- I had the best workout at Orange Theory Fitness tonight
- I’m now trying to blog for Patti Stanger?
- My dogs didn’t chew up any of my clothes today
- I joined POF and it’s a lot more amusing than OkCupid. Not sure on the quality, but entertaining none the less.
- Two of my closest friends are moving back to Phoenix this month
- YEEZUS IS COMING IN DECEMBER
I’ve realized over the last few days that good things don’t happen unless you get your ass off the couch, turn off Roseanne (okay, let’s be reasonable, dvr Roseanne) and make shit happen. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Today I saw Patti Stanger speak at the Phoenix Women’s Expo.
A few things:
1. I love her.
2. She looks amazing for 52.
3. She cusses a lot, which reinforces my love for her.
She talked a bit about herself, her business, her show and her love life, but kept it brief because she wanted to answer questions.
The old Emily would have sat there quietly and just listened, but I decided I would get up and ask her a question (after all, if anyone could use Patti’s advice, it’s me). I started getting nervous while I was in line because she was openly judging people like she does on the show (“Ditch those jeans” “Purple isn’t your color” etc) and I was worried what she’d have to say about me.
When it was my turn, I briefly explained my latest situation and her answer was this: “He’s an asshole. Listen, if you hear one thing, it’s that he’s an asshole and you deserve better. You can tell him that Patti Stanger would love to personally kick his ass.”
I laughed nervously and started to walk away, content with my answer, and then she said “Come closer to the stage so I can see you.”
I obliged and she looked at me and said “Oh my god, you’re gorgeous. You’re dressed perfectly. Please turn around so the audience can see how gorgeous you are.”
I slightly turned around and the audience gave me a round of applause, some shouting “You’re beautiful! He doesn’t deserve you!”
It was a very strange Ricki Lake/Mauri-ish moment, but maybe I needed Patti Stanger and a room full of strangers to finally hear the truth. He is an asshole. And he doesn’t deserve me. Thank you, Patti.
“1. Do not hate them for it. They are on a journey too.
2. Understand that sometimes you will be a bandage caressing a temporary wound or you will be a pinnacle of permanency rooted deeply in their heart. Accept that you do this to people too.
3. Do not step on your feet trying to find a rhythm you are not meant to follow.
4. Do not let it harden you: continue to nurture, continue to love.
5. People use words as anchors to latch onto bits of you and when they leave remind yourself that the sea never bled itself dry because a ship left it.
6. Write the nastiest letter and burn it.
7. Yes, they may have illuminated pieces of you that you were unaware existed. But now you do and they are not the last person to remind you.
8. Dizzy yourself with everything you love, like dancing in the greenhouse to horrid pop songs or reading Haruki Murakami.
9. Set all that anger ablaze, you are wasting your time sifting through it.
10. Internalize the fact that you were still breathing before you met them.
11. Forgive them.”—what to do when people leave. (via herscience)