February 2011
January 2011
2 tags
want a morning pick-me-up?
pour sriracha all over your eggs. it really, um, arouses the senses.
2 tags
1 tag
3 tags
urgent phone calls
me: hello?
sister: oh my god, i’m so glad i got a hold of you.
me: what’s going on?
sister: andrew garfield got robbed.
me: uh what?
sister: he didn’t get nominated for an oscar and i just thought you needed to know.
me: they’re probably just jealous of his sultry looks.
sister: yeah, well, i just had to call and inform you of this breaking news.
me: thanks.
“Boob tattoos: a lady’s way of saying, “Don’t grow old with me!”
– Patton Oswalt (via mattpayton)
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
i have an alter ego
her name is tamika. she tends to come out after i’ve been drinking. she thinks she’s nicki minaj and her favorite musician is r. kelly.
did i mention that i’m the whitest girl ever? like, they barely even make my color foundation.
Don't ever stop
tomyhusband:
calling me “the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen”. It may or may not be true, but even when we’re old and our private parts aren’t working anymore, I’ll never get tired of hearing that I turn your viagra on and that I’m your only gal.
It’s one of the many reasons why I married you.
3 tags
quinnbeatt:
Explosions in the Sky-Your Hand in...
1 tag
3 tags
1 tag
last night an older woman came up to our table and said “i’m an artist, can i sit down?”
what does that even mean? ma’am, we’re at a bar. i don’t care that you’re an ‘artist’.
in other news, i had the best tofu of my life yesterday.
1 tag
3 tags
2 tags
the number one reason why i don't want to work...
so i don’t have to hear “oh, that item isn’t ringing up? i guess that means it’s free!”
1. that joke isn’t funny.
2. no, it’s not free.
3. fuck off.
My co-workers are talking about nickelback and...
Because they enjoy them.
Kill me now, please.
3 tags
2 tags
coachella sold out.
there goes that dream, again.
domloblaw-deactivated20120419 asked: COME TOMORROW I'LL BE ON MY WAY BACK HOME. I loveeeeeeeeeee the beginning and you have to tell me the setlist!
domloblaw-deactivated20120419 asked: COME TOMORROW I'LL BE ON MY WAY BACK HOME. I loveeeeeeeeeee the beginning and you have to tell me the setlist!
