after much consideration, i decided i will be going to england this weekend instead of las vegas. this decision was so, so hard. if you know me at all, you know that i’m horrible at making decisions. i would do anything to make the other people in my life happy and this decision absolutely tore me apart.
i had been going back and forth on this all day, and it wasn’t until i talked to my father that i was able to make my decision.
he needs me.
my father and i have always had a strained relationship ever since i can remember. growing up, i tried to be the son he never had. i played sports. i loved math. i could eat the most fish sticks out of everyone in my class (okay, maybe that wasn’t my shining moment). eventually i grew out of sports, reached a wall in math (i didn’t feel like taking calculus) and became a vegetarian. in a lot of ways, i felt like i let my father down when i stopped being this child that i thought he wanted me to be.
but today, i feel like i’ve broken down those walls. he never said he needed me. i could just tell when his voiced slightly cracked after he said “i love you”.
i may not eat meat and i may not play football (or soccer) anymore, but at least i can hold my dad’s hand at his mother’s funeral.
and that is what family is all about.