i like to start my weekends off right by deleting “friends” off of my facebook with my morning cup of coffee.

i will delete you if:

1. you continually make inane comments on my statuses. statuses that would have been perfect if you hadn’t put your verbal garbage all over my eloquently constructed and slightly witty update.
2. you then send me messages at 4 am asking me why i posted something because it made me look stupid. hey, asshole, it was a joke because i’m funny as fuck.
3. you then send me another message at 5 am saying that it makes me look even stupider when i don’t respond to your comments about aforementioned “stupid post.” hey, asshole, i’m not going to lower myself to your iq level just because mommy and daddy didn’t kiss and hug up on you as a child.